Rio Ferdinand admits he wasn't ready for the death of his wife

Rebecca Ferdinand, wife to former Man U and England star player Rio Ferdinand passed away in May 2015 after a brief battle with breast cancer and the footballer has now revealed in a new interview how her death made him wonder if he'll ever be able to feel happy again or be able to take care of his three children - aged 10, 8 and 5.

 Ferdinand won so many titles while with Manchester United, but sadly admitted that even champions like him find it hard surviving when life decides to throw a blow towards them as it took a long time before he decided to seek professional help

Speaking to Radio 5Live, Ferdinand, 38, revealed: 'It was six weeks from going into hospital and then Rebecca passing. You can't prepare. A lot of the problems I had after, I hadn't prepared to be in this position, as to what I tell the children.

'I didn't know how to carry on with the children. We couldn't have those conversations because it became so aggressive at a certain point.'

I’m sitting there thinking how can I ever be happy. I’m happy over here, but I look at my children and that brings me back to sadness again. 

'I was ignorant myself, I was thinking no way am I going to go see a shrink. On this journey, I got a great understanding that there are some fantastic people out there who help.'

Speaking about suicidal thoughts, he said:

'I didn't think about it myself but I understand people who get into that situation.Before I'd think that guy is so ignorant and selfish. Now I wouldn't do it but I understand why he's there.'

Ferdinand admitted he had some difficulties in explaining their mother's death to his children.

'It's a bad place to be when you're worried about your children's fears,' he continued. I didn't know any techniques to speak to the children, I didn't know what buttons to push. I'd been starting conversations with them to get the feelings down. They were able to shut down and walk away.'

But Ferdinand discovered a technique he had picked up on through counselling:

'We came up with the memory jar. One of the girls said she had a memory jar. They wrote down memories all the time of their mum. I thought that was a good idea.  

'Once I introduced it it opened everything up. It was a beautiful moment, to see them speak positively about their mum. It had been very sad, negative moments talking about their mum. It turned it from dark to bright.'